A strength over-utilized…

We have all heard the saying “Feedback is a gift.” While we can all agree that feedback is usually a great thing, calling it a gift feels like a bit of a stretch… especially when it is constructive in nature. However, no matter how painful it is, feedback is important because it increases our self-awareness. Self-awareness is critically important in our maturing process and is the fundamental building block of personal and professional development. I talked in a prior post about self-awareness and how we must actively seek feedback if we want to get better. For me this realization became very clear when reflecting on a moment I had out on the bike as a cyclist (see “Your tail light is out” from August 2nd).

Most of us want to be viewed in a positive light by others and are content to go through life hoping or assuming that is the case. And since many of us are not necessarily in the practice of regularly seeking feedback, the thought of opening ourselves up to a consistent stream of commentary regarding where we fall short doesn’t seem ideal so we often unintentionally walk around blind to how others perceive us. Sure, receiving honest feedback may be damaging to your self-esteem, however avoiding the feedback all together is like avoiding mirrors because you’d rather assume you look good.

The challenge is that as we become more successful in life, we are less likely to receive feedback. In the case of leaders, just by nature of their position, people feel less comfortable providing truly authentic feedback. So the question becomes, how can leaders ensure they are routinely exposing themselves to feedback, no mater how uncomfortable it may be, to ensure they continue to become a better version of themselves? One such way is the dreaded 360.

The 360 gets its name from the view that it gives a person of themselves… a 360 degree view. Said another way, it allows a person to see how they show up to different populations versus how they think they show up. Typically a person or survey subject will select as raters their direct supervisor, peers and direct reports. The survey subject will also complete the survey on themselves. Seems simple right? Then why is it that this tool strikes terror in the hearts of most people? The answer is most likely in the delivery. Face to face, people may either sugar coat their feedback or just chose to avoid any constructive criticism all together (especially if you are the type of person who doesn’t receive it well). Alternatively, the 360 is anonymous which means people can really let loose without any fear of hurting your feelings or retaliation.

The great part of the 360 is that it gives you a chance to see the difference in how various populations see you. Is there a big gap between how your manager sees you vs. your peers? Do your direct reports see you differently than you see yourself? Where are you perceived as strong, where are you perceived as weak, etc.? There are many different things to look at. What becomes challenging is what to do about it. Many times I have seen a survey subject receive some really tough feedback and decide to reinvent themselves. They spend 6 months transforming themselves into a different person only to find out that the new and improved version is just as ineffective. A good example of this is a leader whom I recently had the privilege of coaching.

A few years back, she had received a pretty clear message in a 360 that she was micro managing her direct reports. In response, she decided to really step back from the day to day operations and give her team space and autonomy. Her plan was well crafted and she diligently held to it. A year later the 360 process came around again and she was sure the results would be great. She had certainly fixed the micro management issue however now the feedback indicated that she seemed disconnected from the team and that she wasn’t effectively driving high performance. Frustrated, she went back to her standard operating procedure. When I sat down with her we discussed her challenges and the journey she had been on. It was clear that her original plan wasn’t the best approach for her but she didn’t know what else to do. The subsequent process that I took her through transformed the way that I handle 360s to this day.

We talked about her instincts and the fact that she loves the process of taking things from good to great. Being certified as a Gallup Strengths Coach, the narrative rang a bell for me so I had her take the Clifton Strengths Finder assessment. The results were illuminating. Her number one strength theme was Maximizer (Clifton Strengths Finder has 34 strength themes and the assessment ranks the themes for an individual from top to bottom). In the description of Maximizer is the phrase “seeks to transform something strong into something superb.” When we talked through how this shows up in her daily work she quickly realized that she was instinctively “Maximizing” ALL of the work products of her team. For her this was fun and she felt like she was adding tons of value but her team perceived it was wiping their finger prints off of their work. Ultimately, they wondered why they even wasted their time on the task at all and labeled her a micro manager. The solution she came up with was easy… prioritize those things which she needed to “maximize” and be intentional about the times when she should leave well enough alone. It took some practice but today she now leverages her Maximizer strength much more effectively and her feedback has vastly improved.

The outcome of this experience was a new approach that I’ve developed using 360s and Strengths Finder where:

360 = how you show up

Strengths = why you show up that way

At the end of the day, the feedback we receive in a 360 can be rattling. However, when considered in the context of our strengths, the feedback becomes much more digestible and actionable.

For more information on this approach, please email me at 45leadership@gmail.com.

Your tail light is out!

I’m an avid cyclist which means I spend lots of time on the road battling the terrain as well as traffic. Growing up in the suburbs of New York and now Atlanta I often times feel like I spend more time engaging in the later. Having a very active family life with a wife and two growing boys at home whom I love spending time with, many of my rides put me on the road before the sun comes up. While wearing bright colors is a marginal help, a strong lighting system with headlight and tail light are critical for my safety for these pre-dawn rides.

One morning, I was out on the road and hammering (riding very hard as we like to call it in cycling terms) which means I was in a rather intense mental state. For those who know me, this doesn’t require you to stretch your imagination too far. Anyway, I had just made a right hand turn onto a busy road. It has two lanes going in either direction and is a main thoroughfare for those commuting to work from the northern suburbs into the city of Atlanta. For me this stretch of road presents a somewhat precarious situation as I have about a quarter mile to get myself across two of the lanes of traffic so that I can make a left hand turn and escape the madness of the morning commuters.

As usual on this particular morning, immediately after making the right hand turn onto the busy stretch, I work like crazy to get my machine up to speed so that I can get across the two lanes of traffic without creating too much of an inconvenience for the drivers. Typically, I am able to telegraph my movements to the drivers and, in turn, they allow me to quickly shift across their lane to arrive “safely” in the left hand turning lane up ahead.

On this morning, I found it particularly challenging to find a driver who would permit my lane change. Once I finally asserted myself, the driver who was now behind me began flashing their lights and beeping at me. This spectacle is not totally uncommon as some drivers feel that cyclists have no place on the road and fail to suppress the urge to express their opinion. I thought this was one of those people having one of those moments.

Being in the “hammering” mindset, I was filled with righteous indignation toward the driver. My thoughts consisted of statements such as:

“HOW DARE they ATTACK my rightful position on road!”

“Poor baby had to endure the dreaded activity of moving their right foot from the accelerator to lightly depress the brake pedal… how trying!”

“Don’t they know how hard I am working and all of the effort that this takes!”

“Maybe if they got off their lazy….”

You get the hint.

As much as all of these thoughts entered my mind and I boiled with anger, I kept it to myself and used it to fuel my effort which was substantial at the moment.

I got into the turning lane, made the left hand turn off of the commuting artery and, much to my surprise, the car operated by the boisterous driver made the turn as well. Immediately I thought, “Oh ok, LET’S DO THIS!” Just to give you an idea of how irrational this thought was… I am 155 lbs… on a 15 lb bike… wearing spandex, a silly looking helmet and cycling shoes which provide zero grip or stability when not attached to the bike pedals… not exactly a match for a few thousand pound car operated by a person of unknown size or strength but apparently enough testosterone to experience high levels of anger and frustration before 7am. So if we were to “DO THIS!”… the story is probably not going to turn out so well for me.

The driver, now considered the aggressor from my perspective, pulls up next to me. I am prepared to sling insults at the driver without regard for the ramifications (or the fact that I probably won’t be able to get coherent words out since my current heart rate is currently 170 bpm.). Just as I am ready to let loose, I sense that the driver is not actually agitated. I can see a facial expression that is more… concerned. I hear the words, “We can’t see you.” Still in my offended state, I yell back “I have a tail light!” The driver replies, “It’s not working!” I look toward my back tire and, to my horror and embarrassment, she is right… my tail light is out.

Before I can muster the words to thank her, she continues down the road and drives away. To this day I feel totally embarrassed for my thoughts toward this good Samaritan who had the decency to alter her early morning commute in order to deliver an absolutely critical message to a jerk in spandex.

After waiting on the side of the road for the sun to come up that morning, I made my way back to the office safe and sound. Later that day I bought two new tail lights: one to use and the other as a backup to keep on me in case one goes out. I told myself that I would never allow that to happen again. However, it wasn’t until months later that I realized the larger lesson in this experience.

The tail light experience popped into my head on numerous other occasions and finally one day I asked myself these questions:

  • In what other areas of my life is my tail light out and I am ignoring the warnings from those around me?
  • Am I hearing the equivalent of the beeping horns and seeing the flashing lights from my peers, team members, wife, kids, etc.?
  • And if so am I receiving their warnings as attacks and giving in to that all to familiar self-defense narrative in my mind… “don’t they understand…”, “how dare they…”, “if they only knew….”, etc.?

Right now if you’re asking yourself, “Do I do that?”, the answer is easy. Of course you do… we ALL do. Every time feedback hits me I want to defend my position, build my argument and mount a counterattack…. the only problem is that it isn’t a counterattack because in reality I’m not countering an attack. I am just attacking. And worse yet, I’m attacking those who are actually trying to help. So what can we do?

First, we need to let go of the idea that we can be without fault. Yes, you work hard. Yes, most of us are well intentioned most of the time. Yes your context and perspective is not known to all. However, we are all imperfect. And with imperfection comes the need to recognize where and when we fall short. This is called self-awareness. Without it, we are lost and will never develop beyond who we are today.

Second, we have to be attentive to what others around us are saying and, more importantly, we have to be intentional about our reaction; both outwardly and inwardly.

Third, if we want to avoid the beeping horns and flashing lights, we have to proactively seek feedback. There are tons of ways to do this from having regular one to one chats with a few trusted advisors to activating an anonymous 360 survey.

Here’s the main point: If you think this doesn’t apply to you, YOU are the very person who needs this most.