The Toddler Executive – NO?!

NO?!

What happens when you tell a toddler “no” in response to something they want? The specifics of the response depend on the child but in general you can count on some form of discontent ranging from a pout and a cold shoulder to a full blown fit. I can probably stop here as most of you will be able to draw the parallels to the Executive in your life. So without belaboring the point, let’s cut to the chase and consider the usefulness of this discontent with “no”.

For toddlers it is quite simple. Infants express needs by crying. As a new parent you quickly learn that a crying baby usually means one of three needs… diaper change, food or sleep. However, as the baby becomes a toddler, they begin to have wants that are not needs… just wants. They, of course, don’t know the difference and they try the same tactic… throw some sort of fit and you will get what you need / want. As parents we need to correct this behavior otherwise it will result in the child becoming a spoiled brat (a topic which I will cover in a post called Generation V in a few weeks).

For executives it isn’t this simple. Leading an organization can be quite complex with the stress of balancing the needs of numerous competing stakeholders, fending off competitors that seem to appear out of thin air, maintaining the health and stability of the team while ensuring they are maintaining a strong pace and so on and so forth. Leading successfully in these dynamics requires a certain intestinal fortitude to stay the course and forge ahead in challenging circumstances. If the Executive caves to every “no” they hear, the organization would fall well short of its true capabilities and potentially succumb to the forces of the market. When executives push back on “no” it isn’t necessarily because they are just stubborn but because they believe their team is capable of more.

Think of a personal trainer. We have all heard of or have experienced first hand a trainer or coach that seems to be completely ignorant to the signs of which indicate impending death. You keep thinking, for sure they must know that I am about to die!? The fact of the mater is that they KNOW you are NOT about to die. They KNOW you are capable of more than you yourself are aware of. They are merely there to help you learn what the furthest reaches of your capabilities are. Executives are similar in that they push through the “No” in the hopes of unlocking undiscovered potential.

So what can we learn from this?

For the Executive: Be cognizant of the line. Like a personal trainer, it is possible to push too far. Also, when your team pushes through and finds a new level of performance, celebrate the success!

For those working with Executives: If you are preparing a “no” response to a request, consider the why. If your response to your Executive’s request is “no” you have to be able to eloquently describe your position. If it is just a bad decision that will have negative impacts elsewhere, explain that. Our organizations pay us to understand the nuances of business and if we know of some unintended consequences of a decision, it is our job to bring those to light. That being said, you also better make sure that there is truly nothing you can do to mitigate those potential negative impacts. If the “no” has to do with a lack of resources, simply explain the trade off or ways you can execute the request by temporarily pausing another assignment. Once again, make sure that the resource constraint is real on not just assumed.

For those looking to develop as an Executive: Don’t be afraid to challenge a “no”. Listen to the reasoning and push the team to challenge their own assumptions. You may find that you unlock a new level of potential and your team will be pumped to deliver on what they thought they couldn’t.

For parents of Toddlers: Hold the line! When you say “no” and the Toddler makes a scene, you MUST NOT give in. If you give in to the fit, you have just communicated to the Toddler that their actions are correct and will result in success in the future. The fit trumps the original request. Even if you are questioning what you said “no” to (eg. It’s just not worth the fight), it is no longer about the original request, it is about breaking the behavior. Failure to hold the line here will result in a very spoiled child.